Hello blog world

So, I'm kinda depressed/melancholy. I HATE paying bills. No, actually that's not entirely true...I just hate paying bills when it means there's no money left over, or sometimes not enough. right now is one of those not enough times. I hate having to shuffle due dates just to make ends meet. I work for a living. So does my husband. we are both productive citizens. So why is it so hard? I mean... Thanksgiving in next week, and I have PLENTY to be thankful for, but right now I feel like... why am I thankful for working my ass off everyday to have little to show for it. And Christmas. It's commercial, we know this...but ... my daughter, she's 4, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas...the only things she wants are a Dora the Explorer bicycle, and a red Ford Mustang convertible (the power wheels version, that is) We have been flirting with the idea of this mustang for over a year now. She rode in one once and now everytime we go to the store she wants to look at it. It's always "Maybe you'll get that for Christmas, or maybe for you birthday, or maybe when we get the income tax return", but ... when it comes time for those things we never seem to have that $300 for the red plastic mustang that apparently is my 4 year old's heart's desire. I want to go to school. I want to not work, or only work part-time, and go to school. Can't even make ends meet working full time how do I expect to go to school? The last thing I need is more debt. I'm up to my ears in it, it's working on suffocating me. Some days it's unbearable (like today) and I just want to run away and hide. So, if you're reading this, and you have like... oh, I dunno 10,000 dollars to spare send it my way... it could come in handy. kthnxbye.

My horoscope for today 11/4/07

Have you been feeling a little out of touch lately? Now is the time to ground yourself in reality a bit more and reconnect with someone from your past who may still be important to you.

Shoot Down The Stars

Went to a great concert on Thursday. Second Fall Out Boy show i've been to and they were as to be expected...awesome. Found a couple more Gym Class Heroes songs that I like. The show was a perfect addition to the high I've been on the past couple weeks, can't really explain it in words what's been going on in my head but I've been helping someone express things that for some reason they felt they could never tell anyone else. This is nothing new to me. I'm just one of those people that people feel comfortable telling their secrets too. I will say that this is probably the biggest secret I've ever kept. And also probably the secrets that hurt my heart the most because I've been there. but instead of making me sad and hurt I feel HAPPY which is an amazing feat for me. I feel happy because I helped someone. So I've finally decided that i'm going to major in psychology because at the end of the day FEELING like I helped someone makes me feel better. And i'm good at this. I have almost always the person that my friends came to for advice... didn't matter what about usually. and i'm one of those people that if i don't know the answer..i'll find it out. I love it. And I am enough of a walking mental disorder to empathize. I thought that it might be a problem and I avoided making this career decision for that reason, i'm empathetic, i'm sympathetic. I care. I haven't quite made up my mind as to where I want to end up with this. I am leaning towards private practice, probably like teens and up. I'm so excited about this..so everyone be excited for me too! I feel amazing. I can't stand it. I feel so restless like I need to do something NOW, but alas, I can't. I have totally lost my train of thought.



^^Patrick at the end of the show. This man has so much talent. I <3 him. :)

About Me

I am Jessica.

The following is a list of things that I felt compelled to share

Why are we so ashamed of what people do to us?

I can be a mean person. That being said, people trust me with their secrets. And I keep them. I want to cry. I don't understand why people purposely hurt others. And I don't mean playful jest. Death is the only thing so far that doesn't haunt me. Maybe that's because you dont' have to live with it when it's over. Don't get me wrong, i'm not ready to die. It's just that I fear pain and suffering more than the end of this life. I know there's more, and I know that it will be more wonderful than I could ever possible dream it in my mortal life. You hear things on the news, I try not to watch, it makes me cry. So much hate and hurt. Statistics. It's hard seeing people's lives turned into statistics. When I was 16 I was in a sexual abuse survivors group. There were 6 of us I think. We were discussing statistics, at that point in time the statistics said that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys have endured some form of sexual abuse. My therapist then said, "in simple terms, that means that if you are with 3 friends, chances are at least 1 of you has been abused." A small fraction of that 25% ever tell or seek help for coping with it. Remember to love each other, we all have our own demons. Everyone has pain. Remember that you are one part in a multi-billion piece puzzle. If you have the opportunity to help someone, do it. Some people need an ear, or a shoulder, some just need you to hold the door open for 10 seconds longer. Don't get to busy or too much in a hurry to realize that your actions affect everyone around you. Remember that if you need someone that someone else probably needs you. Reason, Season, Lifetime. You decide.