6.13.2009

Mood Swings;Schmood Schwings

I feel like I am possibly doing a bit better overall. I still am up and down, up and down. My mood journal looks like crap. I’m grouchy and irritable and TIRED ALL THE TIME and have NO motivation to do anything except sit here and do stupid stuff on the computer. I feel like I have this “whatever” kind of attitude at this point. I am stressed about money but at the same time I am like…eh. I just don’t seem to CARE about much at all recently. I just feel like maybe a shell of myself. Like “does any of it even matter?” I’m not suicidal, I don’t want to end it all. I just really don’t seem to care right now. I can’t say that the anxiety or panic attacks are gone, so obviously I DO care. But most of the time I am totally just “eh, whatever” and then sometimes it all just overwhelms me and I end up on the kitchen floor hyperventilating and bawling my eyes out. That is always fun. It’s weird, I have emotions, I am worried, I get upset, I get irritable, I get “funny” and sarcastic and witty. But I feel like I have ceased to really FEEL anything. I have entered that “empty” phase where nothing seems to really matter. Or maybe it’s just today that I feel that way.