the black is closing in again
rubber band ribs
stretched to the point of snapping
can't get the air to go in or out again
each breath is like torture
each thought jumbled
racing from here to there
concentration is a dim memory
feel like i'm floating
transient consciousness in a body
that isn't really there
the fog won't lift
surrounded by shadow
surrounded by the overwhelming need
to self-destruct
shut down as if I were a machine
I keep trying to go through the motions
mind says 'shut it out, succumb to the black'
fighting myself
fighting routine
keep trying to fight the urge to run
want to be away from it all
if I could just see the end
the light might become bigger
but the light isn't there
anywhere
dark keeps sucking me in
enveloping
consuming rationality
screaming screaming
leave, just leave me.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Can't move forward
can't shuffle back
its not me
my mind has a mind of its own
keep me in a cage
heart racing
trying to find a way through the darkness
I am being swallowed whole
gulp.
heart fluttering inside the rib cage
caged. trying to be free
the drugs bring no relief
just encourage me to give in
to shut down as my mind commands
I want to let it take over
take me away
thoughts taking flight.
I can't stand it
giving in
going home
shut. down.
