I have been so restless this week
in the past this would have been the turning point
in whatever "relationship" I was in at the time.
The point where I said
"maybe I love you, but I don't want to be with you...after all."
I've just come to this conclusion.
I've been self reflecting a lot the past few weeks
I find myself drifting off at work
thinking about my past.
the stupid things i've done/said
wondering "why DIDN'T it work out?"
I've realized it didn't work out
coz I was restless.
not bored, not angry, not not in love
just restless
spoiling for something more
if there is such a thing
my life is boring now.
I haven't felt this restlessness in almost 6 years.
it's like an itch so deep under the skin that no matter what,
you can't scratch it.
my relationship is good now
strong.
we are a unit, our little family.
I don't want to move on.
but i feel like i need to do something reckless
just to prove that I can.
I don't want to
i'm good at f-ing things up
I had it down to an art
not on purpose
it just happened
that constant itch
I can't sit still
I can't just be
I want something to happen
I don't want the world to crash
i wish i could make my head stop.
I don't want to be over analyzed
I don't want someone besides me to read into this
it's just my thoughts
random, rambling, confused, restless
