so tired

So tired, can't shut down. Do you ever feel like the people in your life would be better off if you just disappeared? I feel like that. like i'm so toxic to the people I love. Sometimes makes me crazy when people do what I tell them to to protect them. Not like I want them to do it really, but I can't expect more from them than I am willing to give to them. I am coming to this realization, it's an issue I have. Expecting more from people than they can possibly give, or at least expecting more from them that I am willing to give. I want them to sacrifice something for me, but I am unwilling to budge. Not quite a double standard, not quite hypocrisy, but borderline both. Just expectation. I should have learned long ago not to expect things of others, but I can't give up. And I am sadly disappointed over and over again, and it makes me angry. It makes me angry that the disappoint me, and it makes me angry that I get angry because I know that most of the time they aren't doing anything more or less than what I would do if our roles were reversed. but for whatever reason I can't let go. And now, instead of love all I feel is anger, and disappointment, and resentment....and emptiness. I posted a while ago about Darth Vader having borderline personality disorder... and I was just coming to the realization that I feel very much like that right now. It's eating me alive and messing things up all over again. I just wish that my emotions would regulate. I can't stand the extremes.