I have a sister

I've known that I had a sister since I was 10 years old. I never really wanted to find her because that would involve finding my biological father. The information I knew about him wasn't that great. But yesterday I'm sitting here reading a survey and question #1 says: Where is your sister? where is my sister? So, being the way I am I decided to find her. And guess what? Today I have a sister. Her name is Amy, she lives in Missouri. She has three kids. My niece and nephews. How WEIRD is that? After 23 years I have a sister. She didn't even know. Which I kind of knew that because I don't think that HE even knew. Until this morning she didn't know that she had one more sister. She doesn't know anything about him, he wasn't allowed to be a part of her life and he died when she was 10. Her mom won't talk to her about him. My mom will tell me what she knows, but she doesn't know very much. I have a sister.

marooned on an island with nothing but a single shot

forgive the Pirates reference, Angelina insists on watching POTC at random times.




I'm so tired. I'm so tired that I'm typing with my eyes shut and my brain turned on low. i just want to sleep for a week, but my mind won't shut down. someone i care about is on a suicide mission. it hurts me to think that i might lose him forever even though i gave him up years ago. he gets me like no one else ever has or probably ever will. it scares me.

Am I Really Real?

I feel like I don't exist. not in the "i'm so ignored" kind of way. it's more like I get up. I get Ang ready for school. I go to work. I pick Angelina up. I go home. I make dinner (sometimes). I play on the computer. I go to bed. wash, rinse, repeat. Where is my life? Is this really what it's like to be an adult? Ok, kids. DON'T GROW UP! seriously. it's not about doing whatever you want to (or don't want to.) It's like I have to live somewhere and i have to eat so I have to get money to do these things. To get money, most of us have to work. then you get money from working and you don't feel like doing ANYTHING. except maybe have a shower which requires water that you have to pay for, and of course have lights that you also have to pay for. I'm broke. not like, i'm so behind on everything and they're shutting off my power or anything. it's just the depressing kind of broke where you work work work work work and you pay for the lights to be on and the water to come out of the faucet, but that's about it. so what's the point? I could quit my job and be on welfare and have lights and water and some kind of a roof over my head. What makes some people feel like they're more entitled to that? not working so you can collect a check for doing nothing all day?

Nine In The Afternoon

This is the new Panic! song. It's amazing...I can't wait for their new album!

I *think* i'm looking forward to Halloween?

I just totally redid my myspace page, it's very..gothic looking. I LOVE IT! black and grey and blood red and totally hot vampyre face. so i realized that I'm into all that gothic nonsense still and am looking forward to Halloween. kinda random, I know. I miss being thinner and being able to wear the corsets and tights and slinky skirts and mile high boots. grr.