DAMMIT!

I think I am starting to hate Christmas. Not like the actual celebration, or the trees, or presents or whatever... it's just SO MUCH STUFF is associated with this time of year for me. Good and bad, both of which I wish I didn't remember.

Came home from the store today and told David that "FRUSTRATION" was the word of the week. It is it is it is. I will start with today and move backwards.

Today(Wednesday): Frustrated with the dr. because of Ang's cough and meds and whatever. Then, got a call from Walgreens that her rx's were ready so i'm like "yay the allergist called in the atarax for her itching!!" Yeah, no. He called in zyrtec and no atarax. We have an appt with him Monday so we'll see what happens. Frustrated because it's 3 am and I am up and I am writing this because I am frustrated about something that was frustrating yesterday (Tuesday) but we'll get there. And then after I announced frustrated as the word of the week we heard it mentioned several times on whatever shows Angelina was watching. (She has been watching the TBN kid's channel constantly! )

Tuesday: I don't remember much what happened before like 6pm. We had plans to go out to trivia at a local wings place (Name has been omitted for geographical reasons, will now be referred to as "trivia") So, 7pm I got in the shower. When I got out there were people in my house! Stephen was over (as I knew he was coming) and he brought Crystal!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!! So that was exciting. We got to trivia and David's brother was there and these two girls who are friends from camp and is friends with the family and with Stephen and people at church and whatever. So, they only had 2 booths for like a LOT of people. So me, David, Stephen, and Crystal commandeered the next booth over so we would have enough space for everyone coz David's brother (will now be referred to as "DB") said that his person, and that person, and you, and this other person's brother was coming too. ($%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! coz I'm not having an emotionally terrible enough week as it is.)

I wanted to leave. But we brought Stephen and Crys and besides... after we sat down David said "did you hear?" and I said "I know." AWKWARD! And Stephen's all "yeah.." and Crys is like "What?!?! you don't have to tell me." and so of course I started to tell her and she said i didn't have to tell her and then David's parents showed up, thus killing the conversation. (Most of you are probably all WTF am I talking about so, read: From HERE and go chronologically forward several months, haha) So, we stayed. and we played trivia. The guys had some beer and Crys had a margarita and was extremely funny. I am glad that she came..because David kept going and sitting at the table with his parents, which was the one to the back of me. And Stephen kept going and squeezing into the 6 seater booth that was already holding like 10 people. Granted some of them are the size of small children...but still. So Crys and I were being loud and obnoxius and laughing and having a generally good time, but I kept having to turn around and tell Stephen and David to come back and stop abandoning us. Which in turn made me have to look at the back of your head. which is really insanely insane that it should bother me, but there it is. And we already know that I.Am.Not.Sane. I

So, I am sitting here, right now, 3:25am December 24, 2009 and am semi-hyperventilating over something that doesn't really even matter anymore to pretty much anyone else but me. Yeah, coz I'm not mental or anything. So, I was writing about old wounds in "The Blog That Got Eaten" on Friday. And you were one of them. Because iiiiiiiit'ssssssssss Christmasssssssssssss....

(It's from a Veggie Tales song) - See:

Oh! Santa - Silly Songs with Larry

So, anyway. I was thinking about how in songs love=flame, fire (something pyro related) And I have come to the conclusion... David is my slow burning fire, the one you curl up with on cold nights and just enjoy. A little flamey at first, but then just settles in and is lovely and comforting. That's it. He's my hearth fire. And then, I realized that every other love in my life has been a flash fire. The smoke builds up, gets too hot, and explodes, and is gone. Leaving charred remains and a skeleton of what was formerly a house (if it wasn't all burnt to ash). Fire that consumes the house, leaving it bare and in great need of being rebuilt. So. I'm frustrated. No, I am freaking ANGRY at myself for letting any of this matter. For being raw because it's Christmas.

I've gotten on the subject of frustration this last week... Let's say it started with "The Blog That Got Eaten" on Friday...and peaked around Tuesday and only has the next week to get through until next year. I want to talk about what Christmas is to me.

But, I am going to write a seperate post about this coz it will take a while.

Triaminic® Products | Chest & Nasal Congestion Medicine for Your Child’s Cold Symptoms

Why can’t I find this anywhere???  Srsly.  I found it once on accident.  Angelina Hates it. (Yes, with a capital H) It’s yucky, but it is the ONLY cold medicine I have found that doesn’t have a cough suppressant in it.  Doctor tells me “don’t give her anything with a cough suppressant in it because of her asthma”  So, do I give her nothing? Or chance it with the cough suppressant?
The doctor she saw today (not her usual doctor) tells me to “Just give her something over-the-counter” for her cough.  WTF?  So I ask if it’s ok for her to have the stupid cough suppressant or not because I haven’t been able to find ^above product^.  He says to give her albuterol twice a day.  I couldn’t figure it out.  And then David says… “He meant along with the cold medicine..the albuterol will keep her lungs open so the cough suppressant doesn’t leave the mucus to build up in her lungs”
I’m glad someone explained it to me.  Because I srsly I am thinking “He said her lungs were clear so why am I giving her asthma meds for a post-nasal drip cough?”  Of course this was explained after I had already been to the store and had picked up some sudafed and regular robitussin (expectorant).  Which whatever, it works..just means she has to take two meds instead of one.  Still probably spent less than I would have to buy that one small bottle of Triaminic.  And I got a big bottle of generic robitussin and generic sudafed tabs.
Anyways, I’m sure she would rather take the two meds instead of having to do her nebs twice a day.  le sigh.  When will life be easy?

Die Live Writer, DIE!

F***!!!!!!
I AM EXTREMELY PISSED OFF ANGRY RIGHT NOW. I SPENT THREE AND A HALF HOURS WRITING IN MY BLOG, I HAVE AUTO-SAVE, THE THING CRASHED, BUT WHEN I CAME BACK IT SAID THAT THERE WAS A POST, BUT WHEN I OPEN IT IS IT ONLY THE TITLE AND NO CONTENT.   3 1/2 HOURS OF ME RIPPING APART MY GUTS TO GET IT OUT OF ME AND IT GOT EATEN BY STUPID WINDOWS LIVE WRITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   INSTEAD OF FEELING BETTER ABOUT GETTING OLD SHIT GARBAGE OUT I NOW FEEL LIKE I AM IMPLODING.  I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN.  AND THAT F***ING BOULDER IS SITTING ON MY CHEST RIGHT NOW.  THE UNIVERSE HATES ME.  IT'S THAT SIMPLE.



Edit: I used a lot of language in this post because it suited my mood.  I dunno what it is about screaming obscenities when you're angry, but I am still angry, but more constructively I guess.  More to come.

Two posts in one day? No way!

I have been reading a LOT of blogs in the past few days.  I am finding it quite enlightening.  I am a rambler.. and I kind of feel guilty about that because I have been leaving rambly comments on stranger’s blogs. 

If anyone reading this is one of the people who got a long rambling comment from me then I apologize.  I have never been a “facts only” type of person.  I write in a roundabout way, because that’s the way my head works.  I get so distracted with the idea of what I want to say, and I end up just confusing a lot of people who don’t follow my train of thought and can’t make any logical sense of what I am saying.  Even my shortened versions are still much longer than the average person’s average thought/reply/whatever.

Online Blogs Are Lame.

I am kind of upset right now.  I took all this time to make my own font.  This is my handwriting.  But then when I go on WordPress, Blogger, LJ… They don’t give you the OPTION to change your font.  Or if it does (blogger) the fonts are the boring Times New Roman, Arial, etc. That have zero personality and quite honestly sometimes make me crazy.  I like to customize.  I feel more comfortable writing how I want to.  What’s the point in spilling my guts to the general public if I can’t at least let it LOOK like me when the guts are spilled (lol)  Anyways, I’m ranting.  Has nothing to do with this blog (unless you count me getting all upset over something stupid like the fact that I can’t pick my OWN font)

 

Anyways, if anyone is interested in doing this as well the website is: http://www.fontcapture.com/    there isn’t a fancy program that you have d/l, or programs to run.  You simply print out a sheet, fill in the blanks with your own handwriting, scan the image, upload it to the site, name it, sample it by typing stuff in to see if the letters look ok together… if so then u D/L the font to ur computer into your fonts folder and you’re good to go :D 

 

I really hope that since I’m using Live Writer and my custom font shows up on here that when I post it will be the same.. most likely not tho :(

 

Happy something-or-other.

 

Edit:  It actually posted with this font!! Awesome, something happened that I wanted it to.  Okay blog, I want $15,000.  Yeah, that should do it.  I accept cash, check, paypal, money order.. I’m not picky.. just give me monies, plz?

 

P.S.  It tells you to write the letters in a sharpie.. if you do it comes out looking like this BOLD, so I would suggest (unless of course you want bold font) that you actually use a thick tipped pen (like a felt pen) or a thin sharpie.Once you’ve made the font it allows you to resize it use italics and underlines and I think bold..but I can’t really tell coz my writing is already bolded.