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Crosspost From Hope Works Community

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on defining what is possible

"... our definition of what we can't do anything about grows larger
and larger..."
--- from a previous post


The above quote expresses part of the real poison of bipolar disorder,
both for the consumer and for family members.  After so many bad
things happening you begin to despair of anything else.  Life becomes
about feeling better and finding some way to minimize the pain that
seems to be everywhere you go and be there with everything you do.
For too many people even trying seems pointless and suspect.  I know.
I have been there.

I am soooo tired

Twit!

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Head Like A Hole

I figured it would be simpler to just update everyone this way. On February 26, 2009 I admitted myself to Port Saint Lucie Hospital (psychiatric facility) for extreme depression and planning my own suicide. I had a bottle of about 200 Ativan in hand ready to swallow, instead I put them back in the bottle and picked up the phone and called my husband to meet me at the hospital. I was to the point that I felt my family would be better off without me. My episodes of depression have been getting significantly worse and previously I had thought of killing myself but never actually made a plan and mostly put that plan into action. I spent 8 days in the hospital, have found a wonderful psychiatrist, and have been officially diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. My psychiatrist has increased my Zoloft to 150mg and has added Lamictal and Seroquel that we are currently tapering up... right now I am taking 50mg of both, which is a very little and probably why I still feel like crap. I have been home for almost a week and I still feel very depressed, but no longer suicidal. I am dreading going back to work, if I even still have a job. I am having trouble coping with just BEING at the moment, let alone being productive or on task. And I get panicked just thinking about the discussion I will have to have with my supervisors if I do return. I can't cope.