Head Like A Hole

I figured it would be simpler to just update everyone this way. On February 26, 2009 I admitted myself to Port Saint Lucie Hospital (psychiatric facility) for extreme depression and planning my own suicide. I had a bottle of about 200 Ativan in hand ready to swallow, instead I put them back in the bottle and picked up the phone and called my husband to meet me at the hospital. I was to the point that I felt my family would be better off without me. My episodes of depression have been getting significantly worse and previously I had thought of killing myself but never actually made a plan and mostly put that plan into action. I spent 8 days in the hospital, have found a wonderful psychiatrist, and have been officially diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. My psychiatrist has increased my Zoloft to 150mg and has added Lamictal and Seroquel that we are currently tapering up... right now I am taking 50mg of both, which is a very little and probably why I still feel like crap. I have been home for almost a week and I still feel very depressed, but no longer suicidal. I am dreading going back to work, if I even still have a job. I am having trouble coping with just BEING at the moment, let alone being productive or on task. And I get panicked just thinking about the discussion I will have to have with my supervisors if I do return. I can't cope.