Haven't updated in a while so I guess I should update all my TWO avid readers. Life has returned mostly to normal. David has stopped accusing me of being in love with every male person I speak of or to. However he IS still suspicious of my activities and I see him hesitate but say nothing at times (for instance, tonight when I chose to go on the computer instead of to bed with him) he thinks it upsets me if he questions me, and sometimes it does, but mostly it upsets me that I know what the hesitation means and it bothers me that he just says nothing. And while I know that the choice I made was the right one and we are progressing towards having a more balanced relationship, I can't get these impulsive feelings out of my system. I haven't really talked to my "friend" in weeks. And the lack of communication had lessened what I thought I felt. I also talked myself out of it. Or I thought I had. I feel less and less, but I read something he said and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. And it's nothing. Or at least after calming down a bit I assume it's nothing. I got mad. And I can't be mad. Why, if I don't care, would I be mad? It makes no sense. And there is my problem. I'm afraid that all the emotions that I've made sense of are going to be null and void when this absence is over. No one will know but me, but I feel guilty for knowing it, and not being able to control my own emotions. I think the only way to fix it is to cut you out. Deal with the hurt of it, put it aside, and move on. It makes me cry to say it. But I think it's what I have to do.
