Insight/ Dreams

I have been feeling insightful lately, or maybe it's just being stuck home sick and achy and feverish with a sick, achy, and feverish family. I had some pretty weird dreams lately and at the moment I can't remember what they were about, but I woke up yesterday morning thinking that I needed to write down what I had figured out in my very plentiful dreams (and not a lot of real sleep) but alas, I didn't do it. Funny thing is I missed class on Tuesday and when I went to class this morning part of my personality class was about Alfred Adler's interpretation of what dreams mean. He believed that our dreams were a window into our future, a way for us to gain insight and solve problems that are happening presently or in the future. This theory differed greatly from Sigmund Freud's interpreation - He believed that our dreams were a direct representation of things that happened to us in the past that we had repressed. I find both theories quite interesting as I have had dreams that related or accomplished both (though not in the same dream, that I remember anyways)

class schedule

classes start tomorrow. excited. here's the schedule:

tuesday and thursdays 8:00-9:15: american history
9:30-10:45 intermediate algebra
11:00-12:15 personality development. <--- I am super excited about this one

walking contradiction

I sit here. and I don't want to be here.
I leave. and I don't want to be anywhere but home.
I made you leave. Now I want you back here. with me.

My mind keeps contradicting itself. I am the ultimate contradiction.
I have no clue what I want. I want it ALL.

I hate my job

I just want to go to school. I have been yo-yoing with going to school and I decided I just need to DO it. I want to take on a full course load and just get it over with. I even got excited about it looking at my class schedule and stuff. So, I tell work I need to cut back to like 30 hrs to be able to take my classes... I get a "there is no part-time position available, so your options are limited" so..ok...WHAT are the options? "you have to work at least 35 hrs to be considered full time still" ok..so I'll try to arrange my schedule to do that.... then i get "Well, see what you can do, but this will still need to go through an 'official' approval process based on departmental needs" so basically, I take this to mean, "no, nope, and NO WAY" because my job is SOOOO freaking cool like that. So now I am looking for a new job that will be able to accommodate me. but of course, the economy is crap, the job market is crap...so it looks like I still will not be able to go to school even though i really really want to...unless someone wants to support me for the next couple years?

Honesty is freeing

I had a REAL conversation with David today. SO many things apparently have been on both our minds and I am so glad that we got it out there. It doesn't change anything except we both understand each other's POV and realize that the other understands. And we're different, we both have considered some of the same things, but refuse to give into the madness of them for different reasons. I know i'm being cryptic, it's purposeful. I just wanted to say that I feel liberated in my marriage and although I feel stifled quite often, it makes me feel a bit better to know that he knows that I changed for him, to be better for him, and for myself. I met someone. My world has been turned upside down. But here I sit. I'm not changing a thing. I will keep the monster under lock and key. If you want to know what I mean... read Twilight. I feel like Edward with Bella... I am a vampire and David is human. I love him, but mostly I just want to tear him to pieces and drink his blood. So...I can't let myself lose control in any way, or my primal instincts will take over and I will tear him apart. Of course, it's all figurative. but a year ago, I let my control slip, and I turned his world upside down, he was ready to end his own life rather than go on without me by his side. I can't let that happen.