Shoot Down The Stars

Went to a great concert on Thursday. Second Fall Out Boy show i've been to and they were as to be expected...awesome. Found a couple more Gym Class Heroes songs that I like. The show was a perfect addition to the high I've been on the past couple weeks, can't really explain it in words what's been going on in my head but I've been helping someone express things that for some reason they felt they could never tell anyone else. This is nothing new to me. I'm just one of those people that people feel comfortable telling their secrets too. I will say that this is probably the biggest secret I've ever kept. And also probably the secrets that hurt my heart the most because I've been there. but instead of making me sad and hurt I feel HAPPY which is an amazing feat for me. I feel happy because I helped someone. So I've finally decided that i'm going to major in psychology because at the end of the day FEELING like I helped someone makes me feel better. And i'm good at this. I have almost always the person that my friends came to for advice... didn't matter what about usually. and i'm one of those people that if i don't know the answer..i'll find it out. I love it. And I am enough of a walking mental disorder to empathize. I thought that it might be a problem and I avoided making this career decision for that reason, i'm empathetic, i'm sympathetic. I care. I haven't quite made up my mind as to where I want to end up with this. I am leaning towards private practice, probably like teens and up. I'm so excited about this..so everyone be excited for me too! I feel amazing. I can't stand it. I feel so restless like I need to do something NOW, but alas, I can't. I have totally lost my train of thought.



^^Patrick at the end of the show. This man has so much talent. I <3 him. :)

About Me

I am Jessica.

The following is a list of things that I felt compelled to share

Why are we so ashamed of what people do to us?

I can be a mean person. That being said, people trust me with their secrets. And I keep them. I want to cry. I don't understand why people purposely hurt others. And I don't mean playful jest. Death is the only thing so far that doesn't haunt me. Maybe that's because you dont' have to live with it when it's over. Don't get me wrong, i'm not ready to die. It's just that I fear pain and suffering more than the end of this life. I know there's more, and I know that it will be more wonderful than I could ever possible dream it in my mortal life. You hear things on the news, I try not to watch, it makes me cry. So much hate and hurt. Statistics. It's hard seeing people's lives turned into statistics. When I was 16 I was in a sexual abuse survivors group. There were 6 of us I think. We were discussing statistics, at that point in time the statistics said that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys have endured some form of sexual abuse. My therapist then said, "in simple terms, that means that if you are with 3 friends, chances are at least 1 of you has been abused." A small fraction of that 25% ever tell or seek help for coping with it. Remember to love each other, we all have our own demons. Everyone has pain. Remember that you are one part in a multi-billion piece puzzle. If you have the opportunity to help someone, do it. Some people need an ear, or a shoulder, some just need you to hold the door open for 10 seconds longer. Don't get to busy or too much in a hurry to realize that your actions affect everyone around you. Remember that if you need someone that someone else probably needs you. Reason, Season, Lifetime. You decide.

Have you ever seen those familes where everyone looks alike? This is me and my sister. We've never met. We have different mothers who've never met. We have the same father, I've never met him, she has, but she doesn't remember him. It's strange, I still keep imagining that it's all a lie. Before I found her my husband and I were discussing a paternity test with the man who raised me and is by all accounts (including legally) my dad. But I hear her voice and I see her face, and I know with 99% accuracy that this is my sister and a man that I have never met, and will never meet, is my father. It's kind of sad. The very few pieces I have found on him are not about his life, but about his death. Cemetary indexes, his obituary in the newspaper. What is sad is the newspaper states that he was survived only by his mother, father, and brother, when in reality he has two daughters. What I know of this man is not at all pretty. This is in my blood. Half of my genetic make up, and I know nothing of it, will never know.

I have a sister

I've known that I had a sister since I was 10 years old. I never really wanted to find her because that would involve finding my biological father. The information I knew about him wasn't that great. But yesterday I'm sitting here reading a survey and question #1 says: Where is your sister? where is my sister? So, being the way I am I decided to find her. And guess what? Today I have a sister. Her name is Amy, she lives in Missouri. She has three kids. My niece and nephews. How WEIRD is that? After 23 years I have a sister. She didn't even know. Which I kind of knew that because I don't think that HE even knew. Until this morning she didn't know that she had one more sister. She doesn't know anything about him, he wasn't allowed to be a part of her life and he died when she was 10. Her mom won't talk to her about him. My mom will tell me what she knows, but she doesn't know very much. I have a sister.